


The One Where Four Assholes Plan a Fajita Night

by turn_turn_turn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AKA four sexy idiots have a conversation about Tex-Mex, Just another evening with the Barbershop Quartet, and Pretzel-gate 2017 is exposed, the amazing and perfect doggo Fubar is also mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:05:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9341138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turn_turn_turn/pseuds/turn_turn_turn
Summary: From a group text on Bucky's phone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Do I have any excuses for this? Ah, not really no. Did I let that stop me? Definitely not. 
> 
> This silly little fic is inspired by [yawpkatsi's](http://yawpkatsi.tumblr.com) Bucky&Fubar!verse, which is an endless source of joy that everyone should partake in. Like right now go look at the thing. It is a Good Thing. 
> 
> Just in case it isn't clear:  
> Me = Bucky   
> Sammy Pie = Sam  
> Natalia = Natasha   
> Punk = Steve

**Group Message**  

**Today 3:34 PM**  

 

Me: alright gang are we still on for fajita night?  

Me: im gunna run out for groceries in a bit  

 

**Sammy Pie** : Can you please stop referring to us as 'the gang'  

**Sammy Pie** : Makes me feel like I'm living in an Archie comic  

 

_Natalia_ : omg steve is such a betty  

 

**_Punk_** : I don't know what that means, is that good?  

 

_Natalia_ : absolutely 

 

Me: OKAY fine 

Me: alright comrades are we still on for fajita night? 

 

**_Punk_** : That one bums me out.  

 

Me: alright lovers are we still on for fajita night?  

 

_Natalia_ : no 

 

**Sammy Pie** : Seconded  

 

Me: alright GROUP OF IRRITATING YET SEXY ASSHOLES are we still on for fajita night?  

 

**_Punk_** : I'm in! 

 

_Natalia_ : ditto  

 

Me: sam??  

Me: you have to come youre the best at making guac  

 

**Sammy Pie** : I dunno  

**Sammy Pie** : I might not be up for it  

**Sammy Pie** : Not in the best mood today 

 

Me: whyyyyyyyyyyyyy sammyyyyy 

 

**_Punk_** : Awe Sam what happened??  

 

**Sammy Pie** : If you must know I'm having a very busy and slightly frustrating day at the VA  

 

**_Punk_** : :/ 

 

**Sammy Pie** : Which can usually be remedied via the application of my favorite afternoon snack  

**Sammy Pie** : HOWEVER  

**Sammy Pie** : While packing my lunch this morning I discovered that said snack had gone missing from the cupboard  

 

Me: uh oh 

 

**Sammy Pie** : From which I can only conclude that some Asshole ate my goddamn snack 

**Sammy Pie** : From which you can all conclude that I am Pissed 

 

Me: oops 

 

**Sammy Pie** : AHA! 

**Sammy Pie** : I KNEW it was you 

**Sammy Pie** : You motherfucker  

 

Me: fubar helped!! 

Me: we didnt know it was that important!!!!  

 

**Sammy Pie** : How dare you bring that sweet boy into this 

**Sammy Pie** : And you know those peanut butter pretzels are my favorite  

 

Me: to be fair they are also my favorite  

Me: and fubars  

 

**Sammy Pie** : Well then you're both assholes 

 

Me: i mean it was mostly fubar tbh 

Me: in fact hes sitting in front of me finishing the bag right now  

Me: hes the true jerk in this scenario 

Me: doesnt even look sorry  

 

**_Punk_** : Don't listen to him, Sam!  

_**Punk**_ : I'm sitting right next to him and Fubar isn't even in the room with us 

**_Punk_** : I bet the pupper is totally innocent 

 

Me: you little PUNK  

 

**Sammy Pie** : For shame, Barnes 

**Sammy Pie** : For shame 

 

_Natalia_ : where's fubar if he isn't with you guys?  

 

**_Punk_** : Oh he's just in the living room  

**_Punk_** : We, ah, actually remembered to close the bedroom door beforehand this time.  

 

Me: i cannot believe you sold me out stevie  

Me: and after the earth shattering time i just showed you??  

 

**_Punk_** : That might be overselling it a little, Buck

 

Me: what about 'mind blowing' 

 

**_Punk_** : 'Mind blowing' I'll give you

 

Me: damn straight   

 

**Sammy Pie** : Omg are you two texting us in the middle of SEX??  

**Sammy Pie:** Classy, you guys 

**Sammy Pie** : Very classy 

 

**_Punk_** : [sunglasses emoji] 

 

Me: nah we already finished  

Me: this is 100% post coital correspondence  

 

**_Punk_** : Well... 

 

Me: alright 93% post coital  

 

**Sammy Pie** : Ugh I am at work right now guys 

**Sammy Pie** : Try to avoid making me feel completely unprofessional or I'm gunna have to put my phone away  

 

Me: so you dont want a picture? 

 

**Sammy Pie** : NO  

 

_Natalia_ : I wouldn't mind a pic  

 

Me: alright hold on  

 

**Sammy Pie** : I AM AT WORK  

**Sammy Pie** : NO PICTURES  

 

Me: but steve is wearing some really cute panties  

Me: i know you want to see that sam 

 

**_Punk_** : Bucky! 

  

Me: sure stevie act all shy via text  

Me: meanwhile youre over here posing your little bitty ass off  

 

_Natalia_ : make sure you get his tits in the frame too  

 

**Sammy Pie** : STOP  

 

Me: this aint my first rodeo romanov  

Me: in fact you and i took a very similar picture the other night  

Me: same panties too  

 

_Natalia_ : steve always looks better in that color  

 

**_Punk_** : Awe thanks, sweetheart [kiss face emoji] 

 

_Natalia_ : [cat kiss face emoji] 

_Natalia_ : Barnes where's my pic 

 

**Sammy Pie** : FOR THE LAST TIME STOP  

**Sammy Pie** : Nat don’t encourage them - and aren't you on the job today too? 

 

_Natalia_ : yeah but my work involves a lot less contact with the public than yours  

_Natalia_ : it's on a more one-to-one basis  

_Natalia_ : and if all goes as planned it'll be a one-to-none basis in about fifteen minutes  

 

**Sammy Pie** : DUDE  

**Sammy Pie** : Are you seriously about to take someone out right now?? 

 

_Natalia_ : oh yeah sure samuel I'm at REDACTED with REDACTED about to REDACTED  

 

**Sammy Pie** : Point taken.  

 

**_Punk_** : Nat if you're on assignment you shouldn't let us distract you!  

**_Punk_** : We'll stop now 

 

Me: hold on ive almost got the perfect angle 

 

**Sammy Pie** : NO PICTURES JESUS BUCKY  

 

Me: alright alright  

Me: ill save it till youre done your little hissy fit  

 

**Sammy Pie** : I am NOT having a hissy fit  

**Sammy Pie** : YOU are being a first class pain in my ass   

 

Me: is this still about the pretzels?  

 

**Sammy Pie** : YOU KNEW I WAS SAVING THEM  

 

Me: [poop emoji] [poop emoji] [poop emoji]  

 

**_Punk_** : C'mon guys, settle down 

 

_Natalia_ : yeah you know watching all this foreplay is compromising my focus  

_Natalia_ : switch to a private convo boys 

 

Me: you could just put your phone away babe 

 

_Natalia_ : nah I'm almost thru the next level on candy crush  

 

**_Punk_** : Oh nice! Will you show me when you get home? I'm still having trouble  

 

Me: nerdsssssss 

 

**Sammy Pie** : Barnes don’t even pretend like you don’t still play Angry Birds  

 

Me: wilson you said youd keep that between us!!!!  

Me: betrayal!!  

 

**Sammy Pie** : Eye for an eye.  

 

**_Punk_** : Wait, did we decide on fajitas?  

 

_Natalia_ : I'll grab the good tortillas from that market on my way back  

 

**_Punk_** : Sam?  

 

**Sammy Pie:** Fine 

**Sammy Pie** : But some dickhead better replace my pretzels when he goes to the store  

**Sammy Pie** : Or else.  

 

Me: i like it when you get firm with me sammy 

Me: [tongue emoji] 

 

**Sammy Pie** : You are the literal worst 

 

_Natalia_ : seriously guys flirt outside of the group text  

_Natalia_ : I'm trying to concentrate  

 

**_Punk_** : Good luck! See you tonight xx  

 

Me: fineeeee okay see you guys later  

Me: jk 

Me: [Picture Message] 

 

**Sammy Pie** : GODDAMNIT  

 

_Natalia_ : nice [clapping emoji] 

_Natalia_ : that color really does suit him  

 

Me: contrasts nice with the blush right?  

 

_Natalia_ : totally  

 

**_Punk_** : You guys! [monkey covering eyes emoji]  

 

Me: ooo the blush is getting worse! wait ill take another pic  

 

_Natalia_ : pull them down a little more this time too 

 

Me: good idea boo 

 

_Natalia_ : [thumbs up emoji] 

 

**Sammy Pie** : You idiots are going to get me fired. 

 

Me: [winking emoji] 

 

**Sammy Pie** : Send the fuckin picture already

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, babes! <3


End file.
